Conversations between women
I hear women talking from time to time. Sometimes I even talk to them myself. And there is a common thread running through some of their conversations. See if you can pick it.
Conversation 1: Boyfriend is behaving ambivalently - has stopped calling her, avoids all other communication 90% of the time, says she’s expecting too much from him. Woman is hurt, confused and feels bad about herself.
Conversation 2: Boyfriend sleeps with someone else. Woman is hurt, confused and feels bad about herself.
Conversation 3: Girlfriend sleeps with someone else. Woman is hurt, confused and feels bad about herself.
Conversation 4: Boyfriend turns out to be married. Woman is hurt, confused and feels bad about herself.
Conversation 5: Ex-boyfriend repeats same patterns of not turning up to catch-up times that he has initiated as when they were actually going out. Woman is hurt, confused and feels bad about herself.
Did somebody say ‘emotional patriarchy’?
I’m staying at a convent in Spoleto, near Assisi at the moment.
Not that we’ve spoken about it, but I don’t think any of the women there have experienced that.
Comment by Adrian — 7/12/2005 @ 5:13 pm
You should ask them ;-)
Comment by ann — 7/12/2005 @ 9:44 pm
My experience has been that nuns are quite satisfied by the emotional patriarchy. Paradoxically, it gives them freedom to feel (in the same way as, paradoxically, war brings peace, anxiety brings freedom). And another thing.
What?
Yes.
Oh yes.
Comment by Adrian — 7/12/2005 @ 10:11 pm
I don’t believe you. On the whole, surely you know/have been subjected to mostly the same nuns as me?!
Comment by ann — 7/12/2005 @ 10:18 pm
The conversations these boyfriends are having with their girlfriends:
Conversation 1: Boyfriend is behaving ambivalently. There is no conversation here. Boyfriend feels slightly bad but prefers not to think about it.
Conversation 2: Boyfriend sleeps with another woman. There is plenty of conversation here. It just happened. He is sorry he was caught. He didn’t think. Boyfriend feels slightly bad but prefers not to think about it – except when begging.
Conversation 3: Girlfriend sleeps with another. Boyfriend never noticed. He didn’t think. Boyfriend feels slightly bad but prefers not to think about it. If she tells him, he will be totally shattered. Boyfriend would then most certainly get pissed and go to a strip club to avoid thinking about the damage caused to his ego. (damage to relationship will be an after thought).
Conversation 4: Boyfriend turns out to be married. He didn’t think. It was supposed to be a one off. He didn’t expect to like her so much. He doesn’t know what to do but can’t bare to be with out either of the women in his life. Man feels slightly bad but prefers not to think about it.
Conversation 5: Ex-boyfriend always arranges to see ex-girlfriend and then stands her up. Short conversation… He didn’t think. What is she talking about? Ex-boyfriend feels slightly bad but prefers not to think about it.
Ah… Very simply put these men have to be recognised as having very bad manners. It need not be more complex as that. They also have done themselves a personal disservice for pretending to be dumber than they really are. For what? An overwhelming cowardly need to exit emotional conversations asap.
Me? Oh, fine thanks… not pissed off about a thing!
Comment by Melissa — 7/12/2005 @ 11:11 pm
Yeh, I’m also curious by the fact that somehow women are able to understand the male psyche perfectly, yet if a man were to make the same assertion with respect to women, he would be howled down with indignation.
Comment by Adrian — 7/13/2005 @ 1:09 am
Fair nuf… but did it make you laugh? I hope you can tell I didn’t try to hard to hide a female perspective on it. Have you heard how many blondes it takes to screw in a light bulb?
Geepers!
If I don’t heal soon, I may have to consider a vow of celibacy!
;)
Comment by Melissa — 7/13/2005 @ 7:13 am
i dunno what youse is talking bout, i’ve had nothing but quality and considered experiences in this regard. and conversations??? never had ‘em. i’m off to throw myself in front of a train now.
Comment by matrine — 7/13/2005 @ 11:29 am
Interesting point Adrian …. do you think that a man would make the same assertion about a woman?
Comment by ann — 7/13/2005 @ 12:44 pm
I am a man and have certainly been in the first and fifith situations, although I have never been the victim or perpetrator of infidelity (against my own relationships). I have also perpetrated 1. and 5. It’s perspective. Relationships often have one person who is more into it than the other, and these are the results. Melissa, you are a sexist.
Comment by Anonymous — 7/13/2005 @ 2:50 pm
My relationships only last as long as I’m in port, until I’m done raping and pillaging.
Nothing can make some feel bad, hurt, and confused quite like the cold steel of my rusty cutlass.
Comment by Mr Frasco Man the Argumentative Pirate — 7/13/2005 @ 5:04 pm
to anonymous gentleman who has been in the first and fifth situations, you have now also been in the following situation:
1. posting on ann’s blog anonymously (yet in a style reminiscent of someone else. adrian? does the weedy tone and use of Big Words sound familiar to you??? go get him tiger)and being a coward by going on to be (anonymously) rude to melissa who rocks. grow up little man or i’ll come over to your blog with my rusty scissors.
Comment by martin — 7/13/2005 @ 5:14 pm
;)
Adrian… someone has less play in their tone than you and I… thats all. Nice bantering with you today :)… nothing quite stirs the debate like… well… why did the drag queen/ king cross the road?
:)
Love that Martine called me Rock today too… :)
Comment by Melissa — 7/13/2005 @ 11:18 pm
Rock? Why?
Comment by adrian — 7/14/2005 @ 3:22 am